I know many people think of black, white, empty and void of joy when they think of minimalism but I am discussing a kind of a strand of minimalism in relation to motherhood and parenthood.
I have been recently following many Instagram moms who homeschool, use Montessori style toys or minimalism in their lifestyle, and I’ve been blown away by their inspiration. Funnily, it isn’t the type of fake inspiration that is actually guilt, pain and anguish I used to get following Pinterest (the “I need to have this and that and buy things for status mentality”) It’s truly inspiring and makes me feel calmer and more peaceful in my mom life.
I read Marie Kondo but she doesn’t really address having kids and the mom life which does come with a lot of baby, toddler, kids gear. I took issue with that from day 1. I supposed that minimalism was not the answer for most women, especially mothers with young kids, but I guess I am giving it more thought because my small steps in cleaning out my house did help me so much.
It’s not as extreme as blogger Allie Casazza’s (where her kids only have one bin of toys) but it’s the same concept, to have less and find joy in being less materialistic. Since decluttering, my life has improved a lot. This time, it is even more intentional and focused. Laser focused.
A few improvements we’ve made:
1. I realized that after reading Allie Casazza’s blog and the book Simplicity Parenting by Payne that minimalism positively affects kids. I didn’t realize this was true except that after decluttering Round 1 last year, my kids played very well by themselves, and my twins even have improved a lot in this area though they just turned 2. We have been working on acquiring open-ended toys. Last year, the old toys thrown out were replaced by other similar toys. Now old toys are being replaced by more creative toys like Grimm’s, unit blocks and just plain wood bowls and scoops for sensory bins etc. Now, SG takes big issue with this because it seems like my consumerism has no end, but I actually do feel like there is a sort of closure to our old life. Yes, I will still indulge here and there but I’m not as concerned about my kids having to have a certain amount of presents for Christmas, birthdays, or other holidays.
I am a little worried that I’ll be perceived as being wasteful because we have a lot of toys, mostly gifts, being sold or donated, so after a big toy purge, I will in the future just store away things so that they are a least out of sight. Then maybe people including my husband and kids will realize they haven’t missed out by having “that one toy” (with batteries that I hate so much). Then we’ll have to do a Round 3 purge when toys aren’t asked for any longer.
2. I am working on self care in a more positive, long lasting way and minimalism is part of that. Having twins was incredibly straining on me, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The past two years were beautiful but exceptionally difficult requiring me to give my all. On top of this I felt strongly the need to homeschool my oldest when he turned 4 and the twins were 1 and it was all too much. I built an excessive wardrobe of LuLaRoe leggings and clothes that basically acted as pajamas, loungewear and frumpy outing wear. It was the worst thing I could have possibly done for myself but at the time I really needed it. I shopped conveniently at home, I got retail therapy, and because I felt like I would never get my body back I just accepted my shape and size by just wearing stretchy clothes. Maybe it was all justified a little.
Perhaps I needed those two years to be chill years and it hasn’t been all that bad for D. He still got his playdates, outings with dad and a lot of free time to develop creativity. He is also exceptionally good with younger kids. But I know he needed more. So this year, I enrolled him in swim and choir and I realized I needed to go back out into the real world with him. After implementing this change, I then realized we were actually doing more of a real homeschool schedule and that I don’t have time to handwash my clothing, pick out matching leggings or do massive loads of laundry every day. I have cleared out most but not all of my clothing, to motivate me to look nice, to look healthier, to simplify the workload at home. This is true self care. It is making good habits and sustainable life changes.
I’m not trying to bash fashion leggings as it helps many women feel beautiful, but I bought so much LulaRoe clothing, it was too much for my needs. And YouTubers and a few real life friends have told me that they stopped wearing it because they felt lazy in it and therefore weren’t as motivated to get into better shape or at least be more active. There is a little truth to it. So just keep that in mind. (I will say I still wearing leggings sometimes just not every day.)
I hope you can see that this is minimalism with a purpose and have the realization that all things cost not just money but also time (from Allie’s blog) for maintenance and care. I think this is definitely worth exploring if you are a stressed-out mom.
Note: I have had major breakthroughs just by hearing about minimalism the second time around but I haven’t paid for the class (I’m not sure I need to at this point in my journey, I liked her blog just for the reminders but it might be helpful to pay for the course if you are just starting out.) I recommend checking out Simplicity Parenting, I just checked it out from my local library so it was like taking parenting and minimalism class for free.
Also, after writing this, I came across a great post by Simply Learning Kids mom. It is a must read!